I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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