Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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