Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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