What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
