I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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