You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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