he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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