After last night, I could never be a politician.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
