You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
