OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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