So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
