fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
