he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize