You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
