why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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