Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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