I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
