my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i think my cat just said my name.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
