It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you would pick up someone in the library
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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