it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
