i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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