all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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