im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
