If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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