My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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