are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
