Having a random hookup so left but love u
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
YAS. BRING CRAB.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
