What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dear god my vagina.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
