She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
