Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
