I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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