I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
