Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize