It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
