I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
