it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
