sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
