She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
