Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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