He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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