She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
