GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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