i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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