if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it glows. i had to have it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
