well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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