The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize