Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
