OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
