I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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