hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
