Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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