K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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