what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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