I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
dude. I can hear the air.
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