there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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