you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize