My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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