dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
