If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
