I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
