I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
