Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
