After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
