What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
