either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
