dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
