before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
